I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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