i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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