I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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