I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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