I must be too annoying 4 u.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
