My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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