Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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