Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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