Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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