yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
