i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
