omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
