the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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