Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
