I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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