Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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