two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize