I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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