you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Im part way to drunk.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
