Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
