morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
