She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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