so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
