It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
