once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Randomize
