I accidentally burped into my bong.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
