Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize