so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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