I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Randomize
