Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Sorry about my life...
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
