Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I checked into jail on foursquare
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
