He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
