hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
