The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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