why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
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