I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
My vagina just clenched in fear
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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