Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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