Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
vagina is talking i cant
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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