NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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