It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
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