is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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