your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
