she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
