Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
