listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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