your parents love me but you hate me
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
