16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
