My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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