I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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