I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
