Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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