i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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