i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
