I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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