Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
