wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
