so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
