your parents love me but you hate me
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
