Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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