a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
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I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
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One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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