You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
where am i from again
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
