Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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