ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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