watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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