Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
