You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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