Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
